WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
