Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
