walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
