U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
