Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
