so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
