I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
