Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're a waste of cheezeits
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
