If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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