Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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