I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
