I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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