We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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