Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
