duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
