The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I could make wine with my vomit
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
