I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
