this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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