Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
