so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I wish i was in the wii world.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
