I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
