so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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