Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
