you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
