and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
