drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
