Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
