One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
