I CAN MOONWALK!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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