I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
