So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
