my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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