Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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