Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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