Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
