you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
