Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
