Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
