Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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