Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
