She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
