I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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