sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
