i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
