I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
