You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
