I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
