How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
