I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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