Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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