god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
