but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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